India Journal: The People That You Meet
India Journal is back and this week, I am particularly excited to share one of my favorite memories.
If you have taken one of my classes or workshops you have probably heard this story, and if you are someone who hates making decisions you may find some meaning in it.
One evening, after I had been in India for a few weeks, a new friend, Anita was sharing the events of her day, including that earlier in the day she had encountered an elderly Italian man. Later, walking along a passageway toward my room something caught my eye. Nearing the door, I realized someone had written a name in black magic marker on the door frame. It was strange enough to see writing on the wall, but when I saw the name that was written, I was floored. I was standing with my mouth agape when a gray haired gentleman exited the room and smiled. He turned to lock his door, and with his back to me said, “Ciao, signorina, sei Italiana? /Hello miss, are you Italian?” As he shifted his attention from the door to me, I quickly glanced up and I nodded my head. He smiled, offered me his arm and asked me to walk with him to dinner. I took his arm and we slowly shuffled forward. I asked him where he was from and in traditional form, he revealed what I already knew, bit by bit. Italy…Puglia…Bari, and quite matter of fact, Palo del Colle.
Pascuale Centrone’s Business Card
Palo del Colle is a town of approximately 20,000 people in southern Italy. And while I have never been to there, both of my maternal great grandparents called Palo home.
Oronzo and Benedetta Savino
and to make matters more interesting, the name the man had written on his door frame is my maternal grandparents last name, Centrone.
Sylvester and Nicoletta (Savino) Centrone
While I was quite stunned, somehow this coincidence did not seem to phase my dinner companion in the least! He told me about Palo and stories about my grandfather, uncles and cousins. And while only had a few hours together before his left Rishikesh, I felt a profound sense of peace and satisfaction at the calm, crazy synchronicity of such a random possibility. I had traveled from New York to this place in India, meeting a distant relative from Italy who now lived in South America!
It isn’t always as clear as black magic marker on a wall, however, wherever we find ourselves, opening our eyes we can see the signs that all paths hold a few secrets, some answers and unexpected surprises to help us along the way.
In the words of Paolo Coelho from The Alchemist,
…when you want something, all the universe conspires
in helping you to achieve it.
That evening, I walked into town after dinner, found a phone in the back of a shop and called my maternal grandmother, Nicoletta (Savino) Centrone. When she answered the phone, she was quite surprised to hear from me. I was beaming when I said, “Gram, sit down, I have a story for you!”.
Revolution Me! Flashback: Time to Plan a Resolution Revolution
It’s that time of year again when the excitement of the holiday season and a turkey hangover results in the annual tradition of resolution making. You already know my thoughts about resolutions, so, I’m bringing back a favorite from last year, Time to Plan a Resolution Revolution!
Check back next week for the next India Journal and don’t forget to mark your calendar for the last RevUp 2009 on Tuesday, December 1st at the Darlington House in Washington, DC from 6:00 pm – 8:30 pm.
We’ll celebrate successes of 2009 and get energized for 2010. Come by for a cup of cheer and a dose of inspiration!
Compass Point Celebration! – Are You Ready to RevUp
Rev Up 2009
Join the Compass Point community of
DC creatives, entrepreneurs, and professionals
for an evening of
Celebration
We will toast the success of
and
RevUp for 2010
on
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
6:00 pm – 8:30 pm
at
Darlington House
1610 20th Street, NW (upstairs)
North of Dupont Circle Metro
…and if you are looking for unique holiday gifts,
swing by for a shopping preview at 4:00 pm!
Vibrant, Vital and Valued
I recently picked up The Time Paradox by Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd. It has been an fascinating read that builds nicely on the theme of the last India Journal: We’re Not In Kansas Anymore and explores our attitudes about time.
Dr. Zimbardo is well-known for the infamous Stamford Prison experiment in the early 70s, which investigated the power that social situations have in influencing behavior of ordinary people. Of the experiment, Zimbardo says:
…even though the student-prisoners knew they would be part of this experiment for only a limited time, they didn’t behave that way. They behaved as if they were trapped. Although the prisoners cold have escaped their dismal daily grind by sharing with other prisoners their past identities and future hopes for when the experiment would be over, they rarely did so. …these mock prisoners had quickly imprisoned themselves in despair by focusing on very recent negative experiences of only days in a mock prison.
Dr. Boyd joined Dr. Zimbardo in ‘94 and together the duo has expanded our understanding of time perspective and its power to influence how we navigate our lives. In a part of the book that discusses Making Time Matter, they write: (more…)
India Journal: We’re Not In Kansas Anymore!
In crafting my sabbatical I purposefully opted not to plan very much. Against my nature, I organized only my flight, a pick up at the airport in Delhi, and a hotel for the first two nights. Upon my arrival (at 2:00 am), I was greeted by what seemed like 5,000 animated Indians speaking dozens of dialects, waving signs, grabbing bags and offering rides. The sights, sounds and scents were all loud, chaotic and unfamiliar, yet somehow not frightening. To call it sensory overload would be an understatement, yet it was the perfect introduction to the duality that epitomizes the country.
My driver was not there, however I quickly made change, found a phone and called him, only to find he thought my flight arrived the next morning. He was picking up other passengers but could get to me within the hour. After a harrowing trip through the streets of Delhi we arrived at the hotel.
I spent the day touring around and quickly realized, amazing as it was, I was ready to move on. I arranged a ride to Rishikesh for the following morning. (more…)
India Journal: Facing the Fear
As the years have passed, it has become easier to find the humor, but as you can imagine, laughter was in short supply in the days leading up to my departure. With each step closer to my adventure tensions grew. Why would I sell my charming apartment? How much was it costing to store my belongings? Why would I take a leave from my job? To my friends, family and colleagues my decision seemed increasing out of character…and, I believe called into question decisions each individual had made in their own lives.
While uncomfortable, the conversations that ensued were the deepest, most real and honest exchanges I have ever had in my life. Nothing was left unsaid, as I sought to clarify for myself and others why I was going. I was stepping outside of my life to get quiet enough to hear myself; to take away the comfort and distraction that allowed me to avoid listening; to become a student of myself; to bring ‘me’ into my life. To learn who I wanted to become and to start building her.
The more I talked about it, the more things started to fall into place. I found cohorts in the most unlikely of places. (more…)
India Journal: You’re Killing Your Mother
My family is something of a toned down version of My Big Fat Greek Wedding (well, not really toned down), so I knew my decision to trade in my comfortable existence in New York for India was going be difficult to understand. True to form, after announcing my intent I received incredulous stares, curious whispers, strong admonitions, even outright criticism. There was speculation that love was the driving force in my decision making. Others claimed I was “looking for myself” or “having a life crisis.” But most were simply stumped, a break like this was outside the realm of possibility – Your doing what? Going Where? Why?
As news spread I found myself at family functions receiving uncomfortable glances. An aunt leaned close to my father and in a hushed voice asked, “Is she really going?” A cousin cornered my sister to inquire, “What is this really about?” Hardly anyone approached me directly, except my mother’s friend Ellen who dramatically announced, “You are killing your mother!”
I engaged in long conversations with family and friends, giving them time to ask questions and grow accustomed to my thinking, if not comfortable with my decision. In fact, a question my mother offered remains with me all these years later. “What if this isn’t the right road? What if it is a mistake?” My response (more…)
India Journal: Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Because of our routines we forget that life is an ongoing adventure. ~Maya Angelou
In the first installment of India Journal, Where No One Knows Your Name, I mentioned the roles we play in life. By roles, I refer to more than the traditional – daughter, mother, father, executive, significant other. In each of our roles, there is a thread – a pattern of behavior we have honed over years. These behaviors may be comfortable, but often have little bearing on the person we are presently, rather they are a legacy from other stages of our lives.
When I decided to take my sabbatical to India I was confronting my legacy roles. While my life looked great from the outside, I felt less than fulfilled. Without a clear new direction, I continue on my same path.
Then one day as I arrived in LA for a meeting my Blackberry went into overdrive, screaming urgent messages. I hung up a frantic call and was furiously scanning incoming messages when my driver, calm as can be, turned around and said, “Miss, I don’t mean to overstep, but whatever is going on really isn’t worth it.”
In a different phase in my life, being called upon in time of crisis might have made me feel important (even if frustrated), but in this moment it was clear my driver was right. On the ride to the hotel, I found my resolve. Something had to change. The time had come. I was ready.
After the meeting, (more…)
Who Knew?
Thank you for all the great responses to the Revolution Me! India Journal post last week! Your emails made me smile – and in some cases laugh out loud!
Many of you wrote to tell me that you had similar experiences, and some who have met me wrote in disbelief that I was ever quiet or introverted! I promise it is true! In fact, my high school Facebook friends would probably point out, my twin sister was infinitely more outgoing and my older sister far more adventurous!
As I wrote in Where No One Knows Your Name, years before India, I went to Italy. I went to learn more about my family heritage and to study International Law. I never expected the dramatic changes that would take root in my life or a new personality would emerge. I can still remember the first time words poured out of me in my new language. I was shocked both in how I sounded and what I had to say. Was that really me sounding so sure, so bold? Who knew?! It felt so powerful, so me – I knew it was the start of some big changes!
When I returned to New York from Italy it took time for friends, family and colleagues to process the changes…and even more after India! Each time I stepped outside of my life, I found it easier to focus on becoming me. It wasn’t always easy – it took work – and that’s exactly what I’ll share in the next India Journal!
Thank you again for sharing the India Journal with me – keep your eyes open for the next installment!
India Journal: Where No One Knows Your Name
Even if you haven’t seen this bing commercial yet, you most certainly have felt this way at one time or another…
There was a time when I felt completely overloaded. It seemed as though it was never quiet enough to hear myself think, to hear that voice inside. There was always a distraction. Television. Internet. iPod. Radio. Busyness. Conversation. Meetings. Even the squeal of the subway. Distraction found me with ease…and sometimes, I was looking for it.
But then something happened. I remembered a time when I could hear myself. When I recognized my own voice and learned to use it, trust it, believe it, enjoy it.
I was an introverted, quiet, studious woman. And then I moved to Italy, a place where no one knew me or the roles I played in life. No one knew I was the shy sister, the serious student, the sensitive daughter. Being in a place where I was no longer expected to be a certain way, I learned who I actually was…extroverted, humorous and strong! More importantly, I learned (more…)
